Metabolic Healing

Beliefs and traditions around food run deep.  You can really find yourself at odds with some strong societal beliefs simply by making a choice for your own body.  I didn’t set out to do that, but it happened.  I’ll pass up a drink or a snack and the next thing I know, I am answering a question.  This seems innocent enough, but since my diet flies in the face of popular wisdom, it can quickly become a charged conversation.  It has happened enough to make me step back and take a look at why. 

How well you know a person has little relationship with how understanding or open they will be to your food choices.  Food is so primal, many of us rarely acknowledge our beliefs about it or its place in our social lives unless forced to by health concerns.  We prefer to keep these things in our subconscious.  If we brought them up to consciousness, we might spoil the good thing we have going, namely, doing whatever we want.  That, I believe, is why even a good friend might clam up and shut down when I share my food experience.  It is an open challenge to their own relationship with food.  Even if you take pains to remove any tone that might be read as self-righteous, it can happen.  Some who think of themselves as open-minded will just cut the conversations short with a “hey, whatever works for you” line.  All of this posturing happens because we human beings like to relate to one another.  It makes us feel safe.  Sometimes, we would rather accept someone into the fold based on a common dysfunction than hear how they cured it.  Their cure might make us responsible for our own change.  It is much easier to stay in the dark than step out of the fold. 

When I divulge my abstinence from sugar and grains, people assume that I have violated the “Everything in Moderation” rule.  This rule is a tool for denial, a way of shirking responsibility and clinging to popular dietary wisdom for safety.  It doesn’t make sense: You can have whatever you want as long as you  diversify?  I hope that good health is more than just building up a variety of bad metabolic byproducts so that you are a little sick in a lot of ways, rather than really sick in one!  The implication of “EIM” is that someone like myself must have done something wrong to get these unfortunate results.  I call this “Chutes and Ladders thinking” like the children’s’ board game. It’s OK for a kid, but an adult needs to find more mature, centered motivation than approval or punishment.  It really promotes suffering to adhere to the notion that the universe works this way.  All bad deeds are not directly punished and all good ones do not ensure entitlements in this world.  Leaving this belief system behind means entering a world where everyone is vulnerable.  I must face the knowledge that there’s no free pass for simply sticking with the herd.  It’s no surprise that some still assume I must have habitually OD’d on something to get this disturbing result.  If there is a simple answer to the question of what I “OD’d” on, it is stress, not chocolate.  In other words, it is energy management, not food, that precipitated my illness.  My dietary issues represent both symptoms and keys to healing. 

As I continue healing, I am slowly learning to curb my expectations for understanding.  I don’t have to take people’s responses personally.  I have learned to be more responsible for my own side of things.  For instance, I am more careful about who I talk to and what I say.  I happen to work around food, and tasting is expected.  I can refuse a sample more casually now since I have had some practice.  As I gain some measure of acceptance over my situation, I feel a little less need for understanding or acceptance from others.  I am also selective about where I invest my grace:  I avoid sharing my experience with unreceptive people. 

Still there are those I’ve known perhaps the longest or best who rely on the wealth of old information they have about me.  It is hardest for them to remember or accept what’s “new.”  Because of shared history, I am more in tuned with their feelings, too.  It hurts to disappoint them by not tasting their new recipe.  It stinks when you can’t sincerely compliment them on a gift of homemade jam or revisit favorite holiday traditions with them.  Summer is coming and accepting a beer on their porch is not the same as BYOKombucha.  And is my sister self-conscious about feeding herself and her kids in front of me now?  Even if I do my best to be authentic without being preachy, people have a right to their own reactions.  I guess I am still somewhat uncomfortable in the role I have unwittingly taken on.

About the Author...

Audrey's first love is massage. She is currently a student of energy work but is always up for a new challenge on "earth school." Audrey works part-time in the food and wine industry and is in the process of re-evaluating her relationship to food. She strives, above all, to be authentic as she finds her own way to health.